Week Four: NFL Power Rankings

A Comprehensive NFL Power Rankings

You’ll probably read many different NFL Power Rankings this week before Week Five’s action kicks off on Thursday night. This is the only version that is accurate. Direct all issues and problems to @J_henks2396 on Twitter, but I doubt you’ll have any.

  1. Kansas City Chiefs – Alex Smith’s deep ball revolution has the chiefs looking like the most complete team I’ve seen this decade.
  2. Detroit Lions – The point of a power rankings is to break loose from the traditional bounds of win/loss and rely more so on the eye-test and other incalculable measures. The Lions dropping week 3 to the Falcons on the pitfall of the 10-second runoff rule certainly is one of those incalculable measures, and if either the rule was foolproof or the refs had gotten the call right on the field, the Lions would likely be 4-0. Stafford’s newfound decision-making and the improved pass rush has propelled Detroit to the league’s best turnover differential (+9)
  3. Buffalo Bills – Buffalo’s faced arguably the toughest opening four game stretch. They have two of the most impressive wins thus far of the 2017 campaign and Tyrod on Sunday showed flashes of John Elway against the previously undefeated Falcons
  4. Denver Broncos – The no-fly zone is in full effect and despite a forgettable Siemian showing in Buffalo, Denver looks poised to compete with Kansas City in the tough AFC West.
  5. Atlanta Falcons – A home loss to Buffalo hurts because it’s likely one that the Falcons faithful had chalked up as a W before the season kicked. But, at times, Matt Ryan and company have looked uncontainable. If the defense can stand pat, they’ll again push deep into the playoffs.
  6. Philadelphia Eagles – It hasn’t always been pretty, but Doug Pederson’s birds have beaten the teams they’re supposed to beat, and damn near beat an explosive Chiefs team at Arrowhead in week two. Jake Elliott is a local folk hero. Opening up with 3 of 4 on the road (with two divisional games smushed in there, too) was a tall task, but the Birds have ridden their front 7 to an impressive 3-1 mark.
  7. Los Angeles Rams – Sean McVay is football’s Brad Stevens (or something like that).
  8. Green Bay Packers – It hasn’t been the prettiest 3-1 start, but starting slow is kind of Rodgers’ thing. We’ll learn a lot about the Packer D in Jerry World this Sunday.
  9. Washington Redskins – Washington’s front-7 dominating through the first quarter of the season wasn’t really something I anticipated. Chris Thompson has been a breath of fresh air.
  10. Carolina Panthers – Cam Newton has at times looked like a college quarterback, but they’re 3-1 and just won at Gillette. So. Nice.
  11. New England Patriots – They just lost at home to a quarterback who, at times, has looked like a college quarterback. Certainly not the usual New England dominance we’re accustomed to.
  12. Pittsburgh Steelers – No one’s faced an easier four game slate than Tomlin’s bunch, and while 31 ain’t shabby, AB is throwing coolers on the sideline and LeVeon Bell carries the ball, like, a million times a game. It certainly gets a bit tougher for Pittsburgh, but the lackluster AFC North isn’t exactly too demanding.
  13. Houston Texans – Surely this ranking would be higher if quarterback wizard Bill O’Brien was even remotely competent at evaluating quarterbacks.
  14. Seattle Seahawks – The Century Link Effect will always be too real, but the offensive line stinks, the running game sans Chris Carson will likely suffer, and Russell Wilson might eventually just get killed.
  15. Dallas Cowboys – While Zeke is mired in a slump of sorts, the Dallas wide receiving corps, headlined by Dez’s inconsistency, has been just too underwhelming. Oh, and Sean Lee is hurt.
  16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Bring back Aguayo.
  17. Oakland Raiders – Lord, please, don’t take Derek Carr. Take me, instead.
  18. Minnesota Vikings – While the Dalvin Cook stings like stepping on a nail halfway through a forty-yard dash, this is still one of the most complete rosters in the league. But, Case Keenum simply isn’t a viable option at the most important position in sports and while he might be able to limp them to 8 wins, .500 won’t be enough in the competitive North. If only there was a competent starting quarterback hanging around in free agency. But, you know what they say. Quarterbacks just don’t grow on trees.
  19. New York Jets – I can say with an embarrassing amount of confidence that I did not know Josh McCown was their starting quarterback. I don’t even want to admit to you when I realize that he’s actually a wholly different person from Luke McCown.
  20. Jacksonville Jaguars – What if they just played all their games in London?
  21. Baltimore Ravens – This team is an early front-runner for the “seriously, is there even one legitimate reason to watch this team play football?”
  22. Tennessee Titans – The “good” Titans D surrendered 57 points on Sunday. Even if you consider that like probably 20 or so of them are the offenses fault, that’s still 37 points against a rookie quarterback who was evaluated as lesser than Tom Savage only a month ago.
  23. Cincinnati Bengals – Has anyone ever brought up the idea of them, maybe, firing Marvin Lewis?
  24. New Orleans Saints – I’m not sure if the defense is suddenly passable or if Jay Cutler is just an absolute crash test dummy or if I should take absolutely nothing of anything that happens in London as gospel because those games are an affront to the institution that is the NFL. Or all the above. Or none. I don’t know.
  25. Arizona Cardinals – Carson Palmer is done. Larry Fitz, on the other hand, probably has another 10 years in him.
  26. San Francisco 49ers – Brian Hoyer is their starter? Right?
  27. Los Angeles Chargers – You’re just not supposed to play 16 games on the road.
  28. New York Giants – Not great, Bob (McAdoo)
  29. Miami Dolphins – Imagine sitting next to Jay Cutler on the team plane to London last week. “Ugh why do we have to do this, this is so annoying ugh. They don’t even like football in London. Honestly, I don’t even like any of you. I don’t even like football. What am I doing?”
  30. Indianapolis Colts – Last night, when their defense introduced themselves on the broadcast, I recognized exactly 2 of the 11 starters. Not good.
  31. Cleveland Browns – It’s crazy because it feels like they haven’t been nearly as futile this year as in other years but then you look up and they’re 0-4 again and it’s just same old Browns.
  32. Chicago Bears ­– Not starting Trubisky from the get-go was Bill O’brien-esque.

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