I’m back! The summer was a little break from writing (for the whole Smokehouse crew, it seems), but as football season approaches, I think it’s a good time to get back into it by combining the two things I love the most: gambling and football.
That’s right, this is the start of a weekly gambling piece that I’ll write. I did alright as a college basketball gambling consultant, but the NFL is right in my wheelhouse. So let’s hop right into it.
I’ll start with the Chiefs-Pats game tonight. The Chiefs have been given 9 points on the road in Foxborough. NINE POINTS! Look, I get it. Brady. Belichick. Do your job. It’s all well and good. But nine points to a team that I believe is worst case scenario, 10-6. I can’t get behind that. I think the Pats will win this game because every time they play I think they will win, but I am not giving 9 points away to a really good football team, even if Andy Reid is already out of timeouts as I write this article. Chiefs +9.
Next up, we have the Falcons on the road against the Bears. The Falcons are giving up a touchdown to the Bears. They are led by Mike Glennon, who looks more like an accountant than a professional athlete. I know there could be a bit of a hangover for the Falcons following their trip to the Super Bowl, but no hangover is big enough to lose to Mike Glennon. The Falcons are still a really high-powered offense with explosive weapons all over the field. The Bears remain weak defensively and certainly no threat offensively. I’m taking the Falcons to drop 30+ points on a vulnerable Bears defense and I can’t imagine Big Mike Glennon keeping up. Falcons -7.
Next up, we have two teams that I believe will be in the AFC Playoffs: the Titans and the Raiders. Oakland heads to Tennessee and they’re given 2.5 against a young Titans squad. I think these are two really good teams. The Titans have gotten better on both sides of the ball and are looking for a big jump this year from Mariota, while the Raiders are trying to ride the momentum they had last year before Derek Carr broke his ankle. So I actually have the Raiders going 13-3, getting the number 1 seed in the AFC, and going to the Super Bowl. All that being said, I think the pick is clear here, it’s the Raiders. Book it. Raiders +2.5.
With my last pick, I’m fast forwarding all the way to Monday Night Football. The Saints are in Minnesota and are given 3.5 points. Now for those of you that didn’t see the Saints play last year, they haven’t quite grasped the idea of “defense” yet. In fact, I’d venture to say that if the Smokehouse crew formed a football team, we could move the ball on the New Orleans Saints, with relative ease. Dan “The Big Piece” Meehan would have a field day. I mean seriously, the kid is a freak of nature. So who is stopping Sammy Sleeves and the Vikings offense from marching up and down the field? The answer is I have no idea, because I really don’t know many players on the Saints defense and I have no problem with that. The Vikings offensive line is healthy again and their defense is good enough to slow down Brees. Vikings -3.5.
So I’m back in glorious fashion. I made you a bunch of money with 4 perfect picks, as usual. God bless football being back. It’ll make you money for about 10 straight hours on Sundays if you play your cards right. Just remember what my close, personal friend, the wise Rece Davis once said, “be safe guys, seriously make good decisions.”