The NBA has had some really ugly dudes. We know the Adam Morrisons and the Sam Cassells throughout history. Those are the quintessential “ugly guys” in the league. But those guys are no longer playing, so who fills up an NBA All-Ugly team now?
Now I’m looking at each position and examining what exactly makes each player ugly. Does this mean that I will take an entire article to do nothing but examine the looks of some NBA guys? Yes, and I have no problem with it. I appreciate their unattractiveness, so let’s get started.
Point Guard- Shaun Livingston
Point guard was a really tough one. It’s doesn’t have the ugly talent that the centers have. The pickings were slim, but between Tyus Jones, Shaun Livingston, and Pat Beverley, Shaun Livingston was an ugly star.
He has some key attributes that Tyus and Pat just don’t have. Shaun’s body is a little more awkward than his competition’s. Tyus and Pat are not too skinny, but just have pretty average height to body ratio. However, Shaun Livingston stands at 6’7”, but is not even 200 pounds. There’s just no proportion there.
To add to his resume, Shaun Livingston’s comparison to Megamind is just too perfect to ignore. The man resembles the Dreamworks character way too closely to not make this list. Shaun may not be the star of the team in ugliness, but he will hold his own.
Shooting Guard- Allen Crabbe
Allen Crabbe is a key addition to the All-Ugly team. Crabbe provides some very needed ear size to a team that only has one player with outstanding ear size attributes (that player will be named soon, don’t worry). Crabbe’s got ears that would put most men to shame. The ears are his X-factor. Crabbe’s ears make him a key piece to the All-Ugly squad.
And honestly, depending on the day, his hair/facial hair combo could only make him more unattractive. His scruffy beard only makes Crabbe a better fit to be on this elite group of ugly dudes.
Small Forward- Kyle Singler
Who else besides Kyle Singler could be on this list? I mean look at him. The man is 28 years old and is rocking the 4th grade hair style, not to mention maybe the most awkward smile of all time.
What’s beautiful about Singler’s ugliness is his versatility with it. He can do so much in the ugly department. He frequently switches up the hair, which keeps you on your feet. And he has an array of ugly smiles. You can google Kyle Singler and peruse through his pictures and you’ll quickly learn, the man does it all in the ugly department.
Power Forward- Jordan Hill
The power forward spot was not easy. There’s many different versions of ugly when you reach the 4s in the NBA. But one man shined above all others: Jordan Hill.
Hill displays an array of hair styles on the Timberwolves. He can show off the dreads in many ways, whether it be a single ponytail, double pigtails, or even the specialty mega-bun atop his head. Jordan Hill usually saves the bun for special occasions, but even his everyday dreads cannot be tamed by the strongest of headbands.
Aside from his absolutely wild hair, he rocks one of the scruffiest beards in the NBA. It looks like he’s given up on shaving his beard or even grooming it into something that could be good. There’s just too much hair ugliness in Hill’s game, giving him the start on this prestigious All-Ugly team.
Center- Boban Marjanovic
The depth at center in the ugliness department is comparable to the depth at point guard in the talent department. It’s overwhelming. I mean for God’s sake, I’m leaving Joakim Noah off this list.
It has to be Boban. He’s the Michael Jordan of ugliness. He is the shining star on this team. He brings a little bit of everything to the table, making him a force to deal with as far as unattractiveness goes.
Let’s start with his nose and ears. A combo like that is like mixing LeBron’s body with Steph’s shot. He already shows you his greatness with that deadly combo.
Next, he wows you with his ability to one-up Kyle Singler’s hair. Singler may have the hairdo, but he doesn’t come close to the level of greasiness we see from Boban. Boban shows off hair like wet tar.
Boban brings it home with an uncomfortably large body and hands that are bigger than most women. You just can’t beat Boban
Now, I assume all of these guys do amazing with women, because, obviously, they are in the NBA. But that doesn’t mean we can’t showcase their amazing looks (or lack thereof) by putting them together on an absolutely atrocious looking team.