You’re sort of like an NBA player

By: PJ Guippone

I think it’s safe to say that most of the time, it is really hard to imagine yourself having anything in common with anyone in the NBA. If you are a 6’8″ beast athletically that dominates the local YMCA, then I’m sure you can at least imagine it. But for the rest of us, we have to look elsewhere to imagine anything close as we do our average lives. So I compiled a list of things that makes us just like them.

They like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

For those of you that won’t open that link (all of you), it is a story about how the Golden State Warriors team went to war over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when their nutritionist attempted to take them out of the team diet. You have something in common with one of the best basketball teams in the world. Everyone fucks with pb&j. Imagine a third grader having a new rule of “no pb&j.” He would have the same reaction as the best team in basketball right now (hush Cavs fans, it’s just to make a point).

They drive normal cars

Kawhi Leonard, 3 time All-Defense and one time (soon two) All-NBA superstar from the Spurs, is just like you. He drives a car because it’s already paid off. I drive a 13-year-old car with over 300,000 miles on it, so hearing a story like this makes my heart smile. Kawhi is a cheap bastard just like the rest of us. Why buy a new car when this one still drives? Would that be my philosophy if I made millions of dollars? Who knows, but for right now it’s a similarity with an NBA player.

They think Disneyland is fucking rad

I implore you to watch this video. This is a video of Kristaps Porzingis, the Unicorn, the man who got booed at the draft, the one who got cheered repeatedly once New York realized he was a stud. But it isn’t a video of him doing a monster putback or draining a three. This is Kristaps Porzingis having the time of his life in Disneyland. With a Mickey hat on. He always wanted that, came to America when he was in his twenties, and it was still his dream. Wow, that’s the goal, guys. Stay young. (Also, pro tip: Disneyland gets better every year you age until you have kids. When I went at 16 it was the best shit ever). Disneyland is the best. I hate you if you disagree.

SKITTLES

Everyone knows about Marshawn Lynch and his Skittles addiction, but what about Derrick Rose. As the less known Skittles addict, he got a Skittles vending machine in his house. Hey, Skittles! I am honestly in love with you. I’m not famous or anything, but can you put one of those in my house, too? I’m sure my mom will be cool with it just drop it off on the front step, thanks!

They suck sometimes

Hey, everyone sucks sometimes, and when you’re watching LeBron do things to make you think he isn’t human, and Russell Westbrook is turning into an asteroid, and Steph is hitting shots from different area codes, it’s hard to imagine that. But watch this! Admittedly, it really busts DeAndre Jordan’s balls a lot, but he sucks at free throws. Literally. Dad, you are as good at free throw shooting as an NBA player! So is your dad, and a lot of people’s dads. That’s cool. Dads are cool.

 

 

 

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