image NBA All-Bitchass team

By: PJ Guippone

There are some guys in the league that are hard to watch, not necessarily because of their game, but their antics. Whether it be cringe-worthy social media presence, temper tantrums, flailing limbs, or complete offensive bitch work, it takes away from their games and causes them to be widely hated. 

PG – Rajon Rondo

Post-Celtics Rondo never ceases to be a complete bitch. Ironically, the first (and probably best) example shows him wearing a Celtics jersey. The now-infamous Instagram post was in response to Dwyane Wayde calling out the team. He neglects to mention in the post that he is one of the vets on the Bulls. Maybe in his head, the intention of this post wasn’t harmful, but by making the point, it splits a locker room. So now for the poor, young Bulls players just trying to suck a little less in the association, they have to choose which vets to follow: #TeamRondo or #TeamButlerandWade.

Unfortunately for me as a guy who idolized Rondo during the Celtics Big 3 era (one of my earliest hot takes was that Rondo was a top 3 point guard, which makes me want to go back in time and slap 14 year old me), this side of Rondo is miserable. Admittedly, he has been like this for multiple years. His tenure with the Mavericks really did not go too well, coming to a complete head when he and Carlisle got in a fairly public, on-court argument that led to a Rondo benching and his eventual parting with the team. On a more petty level, his generally smug disposition and fairly frustrating play style have slowly led to Rondo becoming entirely irrelevant and widely hated. Although it was fake, the “D Wade Instagram Response” brought up a lot of stellar points about Rondo on the court. I mean, he’s a guard that has never shot over 65% from the line and has 7 seasons at sub-60%. Blame it on his freakishly large hands or his noodle arms, but Rondo can’t shoot and it is infuriating. He’s a career 29% 3-point shooter that historically has only shot over 40% from less than 10 feet. At this point in his career, Rondo is not much more than a trade chip, and the last 6 or 7 years of his career have really been nothing more than a disappointment from an infuriating player with an even more infuriating attitude.

SG – Tony Allen

Tony Allen is one of the best perimeter defenders in the history of the NBA. He even went so far as to  shut down Kevin Durant, one of the best offensive players of all time, during the 2014 playoffs. Look on the other side of the ball, though, and Tony Allen’s inadequacies are laughable. Granted, he is on this list for different reasons than the four other players, but his career .475/.276/.713 is so inadequate, the one-sidedness of his game is comparable to that of an inverse 2015-2016 James Harden. This inadequacy led to a defensive adjustment by the Warriors in the 2015 playoffs that is the same as defense on a big man that can only play in the post. Bogut was instructed to only defend Allen if he entered the lane. This is a shooting inadequacy that is deplorable. He refused to shoot the shot that the Warriors were daring him to shoot, which proved to be the defensive switch that pushed the Warriors past the Grizzlies. At some point, not making you a dare just makes you a bitch, putting Tony Allen firmly on this list.

SF – Matt Barnes

You know where I’m going with this to begin with. Matt Barnes is a psycho to a level that isn’t even debatable. This is one of those dudes you stop hanging out with in college because he chirped at way too many people and got you a fist to the jaw one too many times. Is it respectable? Sure, if you respect dudes that are insane and have made a career off getting in people’s heads (not Kobe, though). I am a strong believer in not letting someone’s private life make me make an opinion on their professional life, but sometimes they leak in to each other. Matt Barnes is the perfect example of this. Everyone is aware of his infamous feud with Derek Fisher. Imagine the lack of mental stability it takes to get in your car at midnight and drive to beat up your ex-wife’s lover. Now imagine being that same person and then having to go play basketball. Those two people should never be residing in the same body because they really aren’t cohesive. This is the least of his bitchyness. The Kings do a great job of surrounding their best player (who is also a bitch, see later in the list) with other dudes who will absolutely make him do worse, like Rondo, who already appeared on the list and seemed to be the solution for some reason, although in no way is he locker room solution. The best way to illustrate this is with the newly infamous scuffle between Barnes, Boogie, and some assistant that no one really cares that much about. This guy is insane. I think that’s a safe assumption.

PF – Draymond Green

Alright, before I get into this, I will say something that needs to be out there. Draymond Green is the best role player of all time. That might seem like a hot take or important, but the important words in it are ROLE PLAYER. He is the sixth highest paid power forward in the west, and he absolutely deserves that. Look at the list and he probably deserves even a little more, but you don’t build a franchise around a guy like Draymond, and I’m not even sold on him as an all-star. On top of that, there is his entire persona as a dick-kicking, sprinting court-long to argue asshole. This is the guy that you play on the pickup court and he infuriates you because he’s not overwhelmingly good, but still dominates due to energy which has you annoyed, and then his incessant trash-talk and flailing limbs just sends you to a cartoon level of frustration. He is in the elite top tier of arguing with refs, which also includes the next player on the list. Most of all, his bitchyness could be blamed for the Warriors blowing a 3-1 lead because of his suspension following game four. Without him, they lose a rock on defense and their center for the volatile “lineup of death.” Of all the guys on this list, Draymond’s propensity to be a bitch probably has the largest consequence.

C – Boogie Cousins

Let’s hope this is a new step in the career of Boogie and he will settle down a bit, but up to this point of his career, he has not necessarily been a cool presence on the court. In his seven NBA seasons, including the current, uncompleted one, Boogie has 109 technical fouls, with no season sitting at less than twelve. This season, he has nineteen techs and one ejection. This hotheaded nature on the court has led to extensive criticism from analysts questioning if he is even worth the talent. Jay Williams’ has been quoted lengthily on Twitter as one of Boogie’s biggest critics. And yes, Boogie is out of control a lot of the time. He complains about basically every call on both sides of the floor, and he has had numerous complete temper tantrums similar to that of a baby that is just grasping the English language. Maybe getting away from a poisonous franchise and constant losing will change his outlook on the game and his talent will finally be fully recognized without the fog of his somewhat bad attitude.

 

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